Di Caprio! Bah! Hambug!

"This man has lived. Whereas, Leonardo DiCaprio is a boy still... Our actors these days don't age much – and they certainly don't mature. So how is Leonardo (so used to being lovable) going to find the nerve to be Lime without immense stupidity on his side? But then I looked it up. In 1948, when Orson made The Third Man, he was thirty-three – DiCaprio is already thirty-five! What better proof could there be of my just-mentioned principle that we are in an age of pod actors, not subject to ordinary human processes like ageing, thinking and worrying? " — David Thomson in high dudgeon about the news that Leonardo di Caprio may be starring in a remake of The Third Man

Nobody sings the blues like Thomson but this is mere humbuggery. Leonardo di Caprio "so used to being lovable"? Is he kidding? Di Caprio's career has been largely sidetracked by his peevish flight from matinee idol status, covering himself in accents and beards and dung beatles and God knows what for the likes of Martin Scorsese. Why? Because of snobbery like Thomson's! "Pod actors, not subject to the ordinary human processes like ageing, thinking and worrying." Why in other words, will 35-year-old actors not act more like 65-year-old film critics? Critics are particularly fond of this reverse telescope trick, because it always works. 'Why do they not make 'em like they used to? Where is today's Katherine Hepburn?' The argument works even with bad people. 'Why have we no Lawrence Olivier? What is our Robert Redford?' An argument that cannot lose is an argument that is saying nothing.